she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
