Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think I just sharted jello shots
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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