I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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