I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
