I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
