dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
