i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
