I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
