i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She bit a glass in half.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
