Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
