I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
