How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
