I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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