you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
