Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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