i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize