i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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