and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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