Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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