We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
