girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize