I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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