her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I understand Curling. That high.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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