Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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