Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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