She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
