i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
