I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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