Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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