Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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