It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You ate ashes out of my bong
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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