Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize