THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
This is the high leading the old right now
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
