a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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