my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
