You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
sex in a hospital.. check
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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