Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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