Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
