I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
