you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
