we're chasing vodka with high fives
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize