Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
