Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I deserve this hangover.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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