I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
