I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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