You really coming over, don't trick.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
