your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
