you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
