why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
