Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
