She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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