he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So apparently I’m into choking now
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