if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
