Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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