You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
