ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
