tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
