u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
