honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
