If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
