Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
