I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
