youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
