i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
