Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize