Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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