i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
