Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize