I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
