if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Maybe he injected his testicle?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
