is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
