He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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