is your mom at the bar?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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