I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
