i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
as a side note pls kill me
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